#6: LinkedIn is Hell, Good Thing I’m Hitting the Road

Ryan_NameWhat good is a social network that doesn’t fucking connect like-minded people?

Ever since Jack started talking about Merge I’ve been bombarded by eager college students, grad students, and idiots looking for a job at the next Google. Ever since I exited my last company, Shippd, these morons have been trying to connect with me fairly regularly, but thanks to that wannabe Hunter S. Thompson,  I’m stuck ignoring 75 LinkedIn requests a day.


Well I suppose part of this is my fault too.

I’m starting to regret accepting Jason Hamilton’s money with the caveat that Jack write about Merge and have us write about our time here. The extra publicity is always nice for a company with a little less of a track record than us, but for now it’s just causing a suck on resources. Like fucking LinkedIn.

LinkedIn hasn’t served a purpose for me since 2009 when I was trying to find other tech CEOs to chat with. Now it’s an enormous hindrance to my life. I’m fairly sure I’m being cyber stalked by 6 women who want to become Mrs. Ryan Faust. At least LinkedIn is good at helping me identify those stalkers.

I also keep being asked to become a LinkedIn Influencer by the network’s staff, but who the fuck has that kind of time!

Besides, what do I have to gain? Jack Welch, sure. He knows what he’s talking about and has a lot to gain as an author and leadership figure. He constantly needs to be known and spread his ideas so as many people as possible know who he is and then buy his books. But my thoughts and ideas are valuable to me. They are my resource. My gift to the world. Why would I share them openly without something to gain from it? My mom taught me to share like everyone else, but my step-dad always said to look for the angles of your generosity.

Oh, and the intern, Holly, she quit. Something about needing to help humanity…or nuns…or orphans. I don’t know. She’s gone.

Damien Something-or-Other is the new intern. He’s a local kid I randomly picked from a message he sent me on LinkedIn. Let’s see if he’ll figure out this startup thing. I assume he’s looking to be the next young tech founder with a huge 8-figure exit, glamorous nights out at the club with clients, and a seat at the adult table. They all are.

I think we’ll give him a heavy dose of reality. At least Alison might while I’m away.

The Ryan Faust Roadshow is About to Begin

To avoid the scrum of LinkedIn, office crap, and to get some shit done I’m hitting the road to try and save Merge. After the team busted their asses over the last month we now have a handful of devices to show off that look and work smoothly. Everything was built in-house by one of the best craftsman I’ve ever met: Jasper.

Starting today I’m on a three week roadshow virtually on my own. I’m actually writing this from the airport now in an attempt to keep my mind busy and not on the fact that my flight is delayed due to this shitty, cold weather. At least part of the trip takes me to some warmer climates.

Toronto, Boston, New York, Miami, Austin, Chicago, Vancouver, Seattle, San Francisco, and L.A. All in 3 weeks. I have 23 meetings scheduled with VCs, hedge fund managers, and semi-retired dot com millionaires who didn’t go bust and another 8 outstanding calls for additional meetings. I even have a few celebrities thrown into the mix to turn on the cool factor that helped Apple back in ’07.

I have a great product, team, pitch, and cash for drinks. Nothing says “Give me millions of dollars” like supplying non-stop test tube shots of Patrón.

What could go wrong?

I think Alison put everything in perspective when I left the office to catch my cab to the airport.

“Don’t fuck this up, Guy,” she said handing me my suitcase. “I kind of need to pay my rent next month.”

Next Post – #7: The Interview with Alison

Previous Post – #5: The Argument and Settlers


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